The very fact that I am in love with you makes me believe in love; the very fact that you are not in love with me makes me question my belief.
The Quirky Dey
The expectations for women in our society are pretty much set in stone. As women, we are expected to be pretty, delicate, soft, and cooperative. We’re not usually expected to speak our minds; it’s much more convenient if we’re seen but not heard.
— Experimentations of a teenage feminist http://gravatar.com/8a9b554909f63a55d7bd2243b5aeafa6
Sadly a true yet devastating fact in our society .
Worst part is boys are brought up with this nailed inside their brains and whenever they see a woman speaking or standing up for herself , they say ‘ such a misbehaving bitch’.
When asked what my ‘lovey-dovey ‘ fantasy dream day with my boyfriend will be like I just stare at the questioner because honestly why shall it be a fantasy and secondly why shall I wait for a specific materialistic approach to exclaim my ‘fantasy ‘ anyway .
Being 18 years old is not easy especially if you are a girl in New Delhi , being in a long distance relationship with a 19 year old guy is not easy , being in a long distance relationship with a 19 year old studying in Goa is definitely not easy and being a pair of egoistic weirdos having exceptional intellects and opinions about issues is not at all easy in today’s world .
For us its not the materialistic approach to the word ‘love’ which makes a difference rather its the time we spend together . We would chose to eat simple homemade food out of each other’s hands ( with our siblings taking a troll on us ) over a fancy over the top restaurant four course meal ; I remember the day when the last piece of the smoked salmon and cheese croissant at Starbucks made us so happy that all we talked about for the next few days was that mere piece of bread which we shared but moreover the the way he wiped the crumbs of my lips and laughed at me when I got ketchup on my t-shirt is what I remember and would cherish from that day .
We crave to sit in cradle of nature with the beautiful ruffling of the leaves , the constant chirping of birds , the calm yet swooshing sound of wind , the palpable pleasure of being isolated from the world , the distance between the fake lives and unworthy promises and us and lastly the much dreamed of , our world .
Counting starts on the canvas commonly known as the ‘night sky ‘ , we would paint our future out of constellations and mist , we would have the opportunity to see the airplanes fly above and for the very first time we wouldn’t have to stop taking because of a signal error or noise cancellation but because we would be lying so close to each other that our breathes would have created a one of a kind symphony .
We talk for hours over the phone but what we miss is the presence of our eyes looking into our souls and having the warm conversation which we urge to have day after day .
My perfect day of love with him is every day as our love keeps increasing every day so does our want to hold our hands and lay beside each other .
Iam 18 years old and yes I have dreamt of the perfect marriage proposal since I was a little girl ; kneeling on his knee and a ring perfectly designed for me in his hand and a smile on his face , yes all of this but speaking of the guy I am in love with he’ll probably pick one of his electric circuit wires , coil it up and put it on my finger and say , baby , you are a goddamn accessory designer , make a unique ring for yourself , simply one of a kind like you ok ? And yea will you marry me ? .. ob you will . I love you ‘ and I’ll simply say ,’ ob yes , I love you too ‘ because that is what we call perfect .
Why platinum ?
My boyfriend is no Louis Cartier nor is he King Edward VII of England and none of us plan to go down in history. The precious metal’s elegance , beauty and rare sparkle makes us give it an optimum position in the list of things we would want to share in the future as the commemoration of our love and togetherness
The well crafted diamonds, the metal’s luster and the quality of being hard and excessively strong metaphorically reflects our relationship ; adjustment/understanding , glamour / spark /life /happiness , strength/maturity/balance.
Hence, no other metal except platinum can represent us or be worn by us as the portrayal of our love and the vows we hope to take.
( P.s. – Hell expensive for teenagers though )
The world of platinum and love : http://www.preciousplatinum.in/en/about-platinum/platinum-day-of-love
We have grown up listening to stories and songs about ‘The prince charming’ ; we have wanted him to pop out of our fairy tale books and swoosh us away to a far away land. Well, we were little kids then, but have we changed our perspective about our better halves now?
Most of the girls,especially those who’re my age (18), have grown up with these particular images about ‘the man of their dreams’, ‘superhero boyfriend’, ‘prince with a white horse’ and so on.
Honestly, I can’t really say anything about the generation before me or even my mom’s because I haven’t spoken to her about this issue yet nor can I speak about the generation after me (I guess my 10 year old sister wants a boyfriend like Doraemon. It’s weird, but that’s how it is). Moving on, sometimes I wonder why did a little girl form an image about her ‘future man’? Why did she think he would come on a white horse (I’m a Bengali. We don’t have the conventional ‘dulha on ghora’)? Why are our thoughts channelized into this banal imaginary land? Why is that idealized form a setback for women who do not find boyfriends/husbands exactly like the PC? It’s a setback for many men too, if you know what I mean.
Ladies, let me introduce you to the real life ‘Prince Charming’. No, he ain’t a fantasy creature out of any book, nor is he a film star, he ain’t a hotshot model nor is he a singer with an orgasmic voice (WEIRD, but I have heard this), he’s ain’t a ‘teen sensation’ and no he ain’t ‘the jock’ of your school, he is who we want ‘Prince Charming’ to be. It’s obvious, some traits in PC(real) are common in the wish list of majority of the girls, but there are other traits that you are looking for . My PC is different than my best friend’s PC and your PC might be different for you and your best friend. Simple, right? But don’t you think, that as girls, we tend to classify guys, starting from bhai, topper, baccha, pj marne walla, and what not, and that’s really uncalled for; but isn’t it possible that he has everything that you wanted, and JUST because he isn’t smoking hot or popular, he is too shy to express himself, or makes a fool of himself, he isn’t capable of giving you all the love you want?
Tell me girls, how many of you go for a guy’s heart, and not his looks or popularity? Have you ONCE bothered to look through all that ‘fake charm’ a few months before getting your heart broken? Why are all of us so confused with what we want? Firstly, we want ‘bad boys ‘(God knows what it means. Gangsters? Half males? Murderers? What??), and then we want them to love us, respect us and blah and blah and blah( girls will get this one). Aren’t we being unfair about this?
Cute-sexy garments I understand but boys are not listed under a product of couture designs. Shouldn’t we get a grip on the reverse psychology once and start from the guys heart and then to his face/body (whatever you want to see) . I know appearance matters and how much our arm candies and eye candies appeal to us; I’ll be a hypocrite if I disagree, but is it really worth it all? Worth your self-respect and dignity? Is it OK to be with a guy because he is ‘just AMMAAAZING’ for the sake of your own self worth? Can’t the list, for once, be :- respects women, respects my individuality, ready to give me space, holds a strong opinion in what he believes, will value my time and my presence, will be there no matter what situation I am stuck in, is ready to go against me and point out where I am wrong for my benefit. And you know once you start looking for all this in a guy, you’ll forget about the ‘cuteness’ factor, ‘hot bod’ factor, ‘sexy hair’ factor or even the ‘good in bed’ factor, because then you’ll fall for the real man behind him, and once you do find a guy like this, feel happy feel VERY HAPPY because you not only matured, but you found yourself the real prince charming .
He can be anybody: the geek you took your notes from, the shy guy who gave you answers during tests or even your best friend you always overlooked for those ‘hotties’. We should stop shoving away the simple guys around us and should start giving everybody a chance (I’m not saying date everyone) , all I mean is that anybody can be your prince charming- just stop generalizing. You will find the guy who kisses your forehead before your lips, who holds your face while appreciating you, who prefers holding your hand and watching a movie rather than grabbing your boobs, who will make your ponytail, who will trust you no matter how far you are and will be trustworthy himself, who will love you for who you are and will accept those flaws you try to hide all the time, and yes, such guys do exist. A weirdo like me found such a guy so you normal girls definitely can, just give it some time and wait for it. Do give opportunities, don’t hush people away out of self-righteousness .
We all have a ready-made better half. It’s about time we come to find them and fall in love with the right person for the first time, for the very last time.
He is your prince charming.
As girls we have so many expectations from our boyfriends that we lose count of limits , boundaries , promises and even cliched dreams . Though every relationship whether short or long has its own unique start and seems to be beautiful and enchanting to each one of us at first , they all land up in the same bin one day or the other. From hushed up affairs to publicized dramas they all have different stories but sadly, the same pathetic end. But wait did I just write ‘different ‘ ,well I think that’s a little inappropriate considering the fact that each story consists of a boy and a girl , a truck load of nicknames/babynames/cutenames/boohboohnames or what not , a never ending tale of forgiveness , sorry(ies), ‘chotu’ breakups and last times , a perfectly un-choreographed make out session or rather sex , a dreamland of marriage proposals and pre/post marriage plans , a group of friends who just cannot let go of the bhabhi-jija tags , the parents who either act like the Montague – Capulet parents or are ever ready to tease their kid about his/her better half and lastly the cheating, the abusing, the hating , the everything everyone of us has gone through at least once up till now and even if you haven’t I assure you , you haven’t missed a thing.
Most of the bachelors today are dying to get a girlfriend , fall in love and experience all the wows cause they have no idea how much pain those vows bring in, but gentlemen I humbly request you to let go of this and take a step towards the better parts of life ; music, dance , photography , art , sports , writing , travelling or your childhood favorite ,porn but please deviate yourselves from this swamp called relationships. All you would be doing is pampering your self- centered and thankless girlfriend who only knows how much ‘you don’t care about me’ , ‘you don’t love me’ and ‘you don’t want to be with me ‘ , like seriously this is what you need ? Even if you want to live the ‘Romeo-life’ for once find the perfect Juliet and do not , mind it DO NOT jump for mind games , beauty , hot – sexy bodies , seduction techniques they are all traps set by tramps . Instead fall for a beautiful person with a beautiful heart , I know you can’t rip open her chest though you wish you could rip the t-shirt off but anyways look for the person , the mind , the soul , the perspective behind the feminine body structure and learn to accept her flaws ; she may not be the the most beautiful girl in the world but for you she would become one if you fall for the person within her. But guys I swear it ain’t that easy and especially being a girl myself who behaves like a bitch more than 20 hours a day I know it isn’t so you do have a tough job in front of you but if you succeed you will be the luckiest guy in the world and yes you will feel so. And how ? Well go ahead and ask a guy who has gone through this struggle . Its a long and tiring process filled with heartbreaks and tears , night long daaru-sutta sessions and a load of abuses but have faith you will reach there and do not give up hope there are good women out there waiting to be loved; just like the hyped men who take away your dreams, your hyped beauties are taking away theirs so go out and find the real women with real curves , real hair , real lashes , real friends , real lives and real hearts.
The journey is yet to begin….
I would be writing more on relationships from both the perspectives in the coming future; looking forward to make you giggle with a generous helping of reality and a pinch of fantasy .
Please refrain from taking my blog a bit too seriously and do not let it hamper your love life .
P.s — Do not relate my boyfriend with anything written here.
I am no famed actress or celebrated celebrity; I belong to an ordinary family with a loving mother, a pampering father and beautiful angels whom I call my grandparents. I’m thankful, or rather grateful to all the work you have put in towards the country to make it a better place to live in, and all the pride and honor you have brought to my mother land in the form of various deals, partnerships, summits and a variety of events which have famed this country’s status. But my plea today is way more elementary and might be laughed at by many as a mere joke. But I write this with a heavy heart, which not only makes me moan, but makes every ‘human’s’ heart weep.
I am looked down upon at public places; I am called names, and my clothing and character are questioned upon; my integrity and virtue are tossed by silly and disgusting remarks about my body, face, or even the way I walk. Even then I walk with pride and I try to believe that one day those dirty eyeballs will stop staring, those hands will brush pass my body truly by accident, my angelic beauty will be praised by those devil minds and whispered into a friend’s ear, those speeding cars will stop for actually inquiring about specific directions. But sadly that day hasn’t come and it doesn’t appear to in the near future. For all the dirt which was hurled at me in public places, why shall I be blamed? Is it because I am beautiful? Is it because I am attractive to the opposite sex? Is it because I am naive? Is it because I don’t speak out, or is it because I have the privilege to be a woman? I am a rightful citizen of this nation with the right to use the public transport like any male citizen, be it the metro, the autorickshaw or the bus. The autowalla concentrates more on me using the rear view mirror rather on the road; he is more interested to see my hair coming on my face than taking the correct turn, he is more interested to hear my voice by asking silly questions about my destination. But I know where and why all these dirty gestures and sudden breaks come from. Yet I sit there with crossed fingers for my destination to arrive, because once that happens, and after he gets the pleasure to touch my hands while I hand him the notes, I get the pleasure of never seeing him again. I ride a metro as its fast and air conditioned. I choose the ladies’ compartment, not out of common sense but out of my own personal sense to live a more respectful and peaceful life. But sadly even then men push themselves into the coach especially designated to women, and get an opportunity to bump into me and say sorry with a sarcastic grin. Then when I ride a bus, I grip onto my bag and belongings in the fear of losing them, while my most prized possession, my honor, my respect, my body is out there for anyone to brush themselves on, fall on, touch, feel up. At times I feel like wearing their mothers’ mask on my face and wonder if it would still be the same. Would I then be gang raped on a bus? And then I realise, these animals will stop at nothing. Because that’s what they are. Savage animals.
The feeling of helplessness and emptiness surrounds my soul, as I am objectified. I am a victim of human trafficking, gang rapes, domestic violence, eve teasing, slavery, and my criminals are treated like men who merely had an urge for a sexual encounter, like men who had committed no sin, like men who showed their ‘manhood’ by putting me down. To these men, their mothers, sisters and daughters mean nothing. They do not respect the other, and somehow, better gender. I stopped wearing revealing clothes, stopped partying with friends, stopped walking out of the house after dark, stopped being friendly to my male friends, and now what shall I do, stop breathing? Apparently, according to the people who matter, it is the girl who invites trouble on herself. The men are merely “provoked”. And yet, after all my precaution, daytime rape cases , acid attacks ,men pulling my handbag and tugging on my dupatta, rape drugs at formal events, cameras being installed inside changing rooms, men peeking inside women’s washrooms, women being mentally, verbally and physically abused by ‘dear’ ones hasn’t stopped, has it? So now I ask, who is at fault? Am I still the one to be blamed? I cannot walk on the road I pay taxes for because I fear of being insulted. I cannot go shopping with a free mind because the trial room frightens me, I cannot live a peaceful and safe life all because I am a woman ?
I plea to the government of India to introduce strict laws against rape and all the other kinds of violence women today face. There are countries that chop a man’s hand off for touching a woman or hang a man in public for raping a woman. If venom defeats venom, why can’t this be done in India, a country where there are more number of female goddesses and in which small girls are worshiped, a country which had a woman president in the recent past, and a country which proclaims to be ‘Mother’ India? Why can’t the women in such a country be treated with equal respect and dignity, if not more? An example has to be set for such disgusting crimes or otherwise there will be no change. It may seem pleasurable to a man stroking his mustache with pride and walking with a bloated chest that he has put a woman down by doing all this, but this male chauvinistic nature is something that has to be eradicated for the development of this country and to make it livable. I am ready to be the change I want to see.I plead for your support in my fight for respect for my womanhood and my fight for a country where I can feel safe every second no matter what time of the day it is , where I am or whether I am alone or not. Please let me die a respectful and peaceful death. After all even my birth was frowned upon my many .Thanking you in anticipation of your help and support.
An Indian woman
I often hear some girls say , ‘I wish I was a little bit more fair’ and some others say , ‘dammit everything suits those fair ones’ . I simply look at them and smile as my inner self roars into this unstoppable laughter marathon. Girls in India strive for that ‘fair hence pretty’ look and try everything from gold facials to expensive ‘fairness’ creams ; they would apply all sorts of items available in their kitchen, all for the sake of a ‘fair and handsome’ prince charming, riding a white horse, who would pick them up only if they are fair and ride into their magical kingdom . These mushy tales make me wonder why can’t I shoot them or why doesn’t the world really end?
Pick up any matrimonial classified column and the first requirement for a bride would be ‘fair and good looking ‘ like seriously this is where the word today ends up after hundreds of campaigns about educating the girl child and about letting a girl receive proper education , all you want is ‘her looks’ ? A girl’s education , her values , her personality comes after her skin color or doesn’t even matter at all? Get married to Barbie then. She is fair , plastic , pretty , doesn’t have any identity except her looks and is a doll that’s what you want right , A DOLL.
Some women come to my mom and say , ‘ your daughter used to be so fair and pretty what happened to her skin color , do something otherwise how will you get her married ? ‘, yes that’s what they say to a 12th grader’s mom who happens to only care about her daughter’s higher education in a professional field. Sad , I know but neither does my mom say anything on their faces nether do I have anything to say about it . After playing tennis for over 6 years under the scorching sun , my skin got sun burned and has become a completely different color than what it once used to be like, but I have no regrets and why should I ? What did I lose anyway? My education , my knowledge , my values or my respect? none of these, right? so how and why the hell should my dark skin matter to me or become a reason for regret in my life?
Beauty comes from deep within the soul of a person , nobody likes a white ice queen with a heart of ice .A wheat skinned girl with a beautiful soul is even more pleasing to the opposite sex, and looking good does not depend on your skin . Go out wearing fluorescent colors and carry them off like a lady, people won’t even notice that you are dark all they will see is a beauty who knows how to carry what she wears and walks with this dignity and self confidence which a color shouldn’t rather can’t steal. Gone are the days where color used to be used as a reason for discrimination and take my word a dark skinned girl can look way more hotter and sexier than a plastic ‘fair’ girl.It’s time we kick this cliche and make this world a bit more respectable.
Otherwise a gun anyone ?